Adversity Flip

Luck…

He worked by day and toiled by night.

He gave up play and some delight

Dry books he read, new things to learn.

And forged ahead, success to earn.

He plodded on with faith and pluck.

And when he won, others called it luck.    

~ Author Unknown

Life is hard. It takes sacrifices. It’s full of adversity.

When someone has a lot of adversity in a short period of time, people often say they are having bad luck. I don’t believe in luck – good or bad. At least one other person agrees with me…

“Luck? I don’t know anything about luck. I’ve never banked on it and I’m afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else: Hard work – and realizing what is opportunity and what isn’t.” 

~ Lucille Ball

Yes, life can be wonderful. And we’re all glad to for that. But the reality is that life is hard work & there are & will be difficulties.

But all too often advertisements, tv & movies portray life as one non-stop joy-ride.

Ironically, it’s much easier to be happy when you realize life isn’t 100% fun. If you picture life as 100% fun, you’re going to be disappointed – repeatedly.

I’m not suggesting you become a cynic as a way to be happy. Rather, having a realistic view of life: accepting that there will be highs & lows, adversity & good times, will make your life more enjoyable than being at either extreme.

Let’s hear your thoughts…

Bob

How Did It Get This Bad?

My life was falling apart. I couldn’t believe how bad it was & how quickly it seemed to happen.

I searched to find the “one bad choice” that landed me on the dark path I was on.

There wasn’t any one thing.

Simply a series of small changes that individually looked minor & harmless.

But when combined, radically altered where my life was headed.

My job, my finances, my health, my spirit & my attitude – were all a mess.

I didn’t feel like “me” any more.

I was super-stressed, eating poorly, lacking exercise, feeling isolated & sleeping very little. I’d put myself on the path to an early grave. I was beyond anxious to find a new path.

Then I discovered a big part of the problem. I was trying to control everything. In particular, related to making a career change.

“I once had a grip on everything.  It feels better to let go.

~ from the song: I’m Not Over by Carolina Liar

Change careers – I was so ready. But instead of letting it develop naturally, I set it in my mind that I must have a masters degree. Instead making the end goal (career change) the most important thing, I was totally focused on a rigid set of steps that I decided must happen first.

And I’d become so determined & focused on getting that degree that I blinded myself to all the warning signs around me.  Then one day I “woke up” & saw how bad my life had become.

A difficult decision, but I chose to leave school. Immediately my stress was reduced, I found time for exercise & improved my finances.  In turn, my sleep improved.

In hindsight, one of the best decisions I ever made.

I can’t recall the author’s name, but I once read a book that talked about the importance of “choosing the hard no”.  My hard no was dropping school & having faith that the needed events & people would appear in my life when the time was right.

And that is just what happened.

My life fell apart in 2007/2008. In 2009, I got back on the right path. And in 2010, I attended two life-changing seminars (by Barbara Sher).  Those seminars solidified that I was making the right career change & significantly shaped the way I do business today. In 2011 I launched my business full-time.

It’s easy to seen now that I was trying to control everything out of fear. In this case, my level of adversity had to red-line before I was able to learn the lesson.

The lesson…  don’t get so locked into a way of thinking that you miss what’s going on around you.  Instead, pay attention, have faith, let go, & deal with fear in the right way.  We all arrive where we need to, but we can’t always choose the route.

Bob

Ever Felt Betrayed?

Have you ever felt betrayed?

Most of us have.

It’s not a good feeling.

But consider what Barbara DeAngelis says in her book, Real Moments:

“No one betrays us as much in our lives as we betray ourselves.”

I think she is spot on.

Think about the times you’ve promised yourself any number of things & not followed through. It could be giving up a bad habit, losing weight, stop procrastinating, treating others better, or any number of other things.

What’s the lesson, here?

When someone betrays you, be more understanding & forgiving.

Barbara says it well:

“Love and kindness are never wasted.  They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.”

No matter how “put together” anyone appears, everyone you meet is carrying some sort of emotional burden.  Everyone has lost a loved one & watched a dream go up in smoke.  They may have had to deal with some sort of abuse or neglect as well.

Choose kindness.  Choose it as often as you can.

Bob

Dealing with Adversity – The 3rd Option

When something bad happens in your life, what do you do?

A common reaction is to “numb out”…with alcohol, mindless tv, or some other unproductive thing.

Another approach is to aggressively try to “undo” the adversity.  Along the lines of: we have this problem, now we have to fix it.

There is a 3rd option many people either forget about or consciously choose to avoid.

The 3rd option is to just “be with the adversity”:

• Admit it’s real (don’t deny it)
• Accept it (don’t run from it)
• See it for what it is…a chance to grow (don’t try to fix it)

Earlier in life I found myself often utilizing the 1st option – numbing out. Later in life, I saw that wasn’t the best approach. So I started using the “fix it” approach. The “fix it” approach can be effective at times.

However, I’ve now learned that the 3rd option is the most valuable.

To hunker down with the adversity & say: “Ok, it’s you & me, what now?”

This opens your heart & mind to possibilities. It makes you receptive to learning & growth.

The times when I’ve just been with my adversity – an amazing amount of goodness always comes out of it.

Always.

Those  are the times when I’ve experienced the most growth in my life.

What do you think?  Let’s hear your thoughts in the comment section.

Bob

The Road Ahead…What Do You See?

“Well I don’t see no holes in the road but you find another place to fall.”

 ~ from KT Tunstall’s song:  Another Place to Fall

Do you know anyone like this? No matter how good they’ve got it, all they seem to see is another hole they are falling into. Maybe it’s not someone else that’s like this – maybe it’s you.

I’ve caught myself in this trap before – seeing only the negative side of things. If we aren’t careful it can turn into a habit that feeds upon itself.

Afterall, think about it – we are bombarded by negativity in the news & often commercials tell us all the things that are wrong with us or wrong with the world (that their product will fix). And all of us know someone who has the “sky is falling” view of the world…

Look at the picture above. Clearly you see the hole.  Do you also see there’s a way around it?  No matter what adversity comes our way, nearly everything in life has a mix of good & bad in it. It’s important to see the entire picture – not just the negative aspects.

Every day…& actually every moment you have a choice. See the good aspect of things or get caught up in negativity.

Which do you choose?

Bob

Adversity…How Much Change to Make?

“Unfortunately, most of the time, the first thing a person does when suddenly confronted with adversity is decide he or she has to make sweeping changes.”

~ Success is a Choice by Rick Pitino

I’ve reacted this way before. I imagine you have too. It seems like an almost natural reaction, in fact.

But it really is an overreaction.

Adversity is a necessary part of life. It’s not an indicator that you need to make massive changes.

Some times you don’t need to make any changes – just be patient.  Or often 1 or 2 right changes can make a huge difference.

For example, a few years ago I started working on my master’s degree. A big change occurred at my job, significantly increasing the demands placed upon me.  To meet all the deadlines with work & school, I cut out all exercise & was only sleeping a few hours a night. I was massively stressed. I tried to cope with the stress by applying lots of junk food and alcohol. I gained a ton of weight & that stressed me out even more. Everything in my life seemed to be in a downward spiral.

I knew something had to change.

I made the tough decision to drop out of the master’s program. I didn’t feel good about it at the time, but see now it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. My stress level dropped right away, I was exercising again, I ate better – & lost most of the weight I’d gained.

That one decision to drop out, helped me right away & also became a catalyst with many of the other positive life changes I’ve made since.

Adversity gives you an opportunity to learn & to grow. How have you taken advantage of the opportunities that adversity has given you?

Bob

Letting Go of Past Regrets

“If you’re busy regretting the past, then a new future can’t come in.” 

~ Marianne Williamson

Whether it is adversity you wish hadn’t happened or decisions you wish you had handled differently – let it go.

Regretting the past keeps you stuck.

The past is over.

It can’t be changed.

The adversity from your past only serves a useful purpose if you learn from it.

Let go and learn.

Bob

Time to Bloom, Time FOR Bloom

What does an open house have to do with adversity?

In this case, a lot.

Yesterday I was thrilled to be a part of the open house for Bloom Studios.  Bloom is the creation of a brother & sister, Kyle & Shannon Johnson. An innovative business concept that the Johnson’s have done a marvelous job of planning and implementing.

This community and wellness center is amazing in it’s own right. But what makes it even more amazing is the story behind it.

The business grew out of tragedy.

Shannon & Kyle’s father was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer in 2009 and only given 6 months to live. The rest of the story is best told by Shannon and Kyle on their website. You can read it in their own words by clicking here and scrolling down to the “About the Owners” section.

Read the story…it truly is amazing.

Kudos to Shannon and Kyle on their new business venture & for utilizing the tough things in life to create something wonderful.

I’m sure their father is very proud of them.

There’s no doubt in my mind that their business will “Bloom” in the Arizona desert.

Bob

Make a Wish

“We get stronger when we test ourselves. Adversity can make us better. We must be challenged to improve, and adversity is the challenger.”

~ John Wooden

Are you wishing for a life free of adversity or a better life?

Try to eliminate adversity from your life & you’ll spend a lifetime trying – and won’t succeed.  Adversity will always be with us.

Actually, adversity is one of your biggest helpers…if you let it be.  Don’t try to go around adversity.  Go through it & it can help you.

The path to a better life is through adversity. 

By shifting your perspective, you can transform adversity into one of your biggest allies. Adversity can light the way improvement, learning & growth.

As Debbie Ford points out in The Dark Side of the Light Chasers:

“All negative events are blessings in disguise.”

I’ve found this to be very true in my life. The key is to look for the good within the adversity. Most times our reaction to adversity is to instantly label it as “bad” & then do everything in our power to avoid it or deny that it is even happening.

Instead, accept adversity & look at it closely. By doing so you’ll discover it can help you in significant & profound ways.

Have you found ways to remember to look for the good within adversity?

Bob