This past week has been a series of thrilling highs and heart-rending lows. From the opportunity to visit and reconnect with friends and clients in faraway places to losing my father on March 2. I’ve never been one for roller coaster rides but unfortunately, this past week life has had me on a never ending one.
When it comes to “which member of the family is known for crying” the award is, and always has, gone to me. I pride myself on not crying in public but this week I haven’t been able to live up to my own personal standard. I find myself crying in the grocery store when I look at a box of Shredded Wheat (Dad’s favorite), looking at family photos of vacations, weddings and birthdays celebrated, and then for no reason that I can see. I’ve had to leave grocery stores in the middle of shopping because I started crying and couldn’t focus. I’d been counting down the days until my one year anniversary of being cancer-free (April 9) and was now hit with this…. truly, God where have you gone? During this time I read about a book by a Coast to Coast Radio talk show host I enjoy, Ian Punnett entitled “How To Pray When You’re Pissed At God.” I pre-ordered the book, but boy could I use its teachings right about now.
Am I making a point? Is there anyway to “flip” this adversity on its head and put a positive spin on it? Not likely. Does that make me somehow a failure in showing a positive attitude? Not at all. There are simply times in life when you need to give in and feel your pain, live your grief. I’ve discovered it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s who I am. If I find I can’t move on or can’t get dressed, or can’t go to a grocery store without breaking down I will know enough to know that it’s time to seek help. Right now though I am dealing with the stages of grief:
- Shock and denial
- Pain and guilt
- Anger and bargaining
- Depression, reflection and loneliness
- The upward turn
- Reconstruction and working through
- Acceptance and hope
Right now I am vacillating between steps 1, 2 and 3. While I know I can’t “power through” this I also know I am not alone in finding ways to cope with the loss and I think that just learning to cope is a step forward in the healing process.
Robbi Hess, Social Wordsmith, is a professional blogger, social media consultant and creative thinker. She is a speaker on the subjects of time management, writing and productivity. “Helping entrepreneurs find the ‘write’ words!”